"to you..from God"

Ever feel lost from God? Ever feel like you're just angry at God, and feel like everything is his fault? Do you feel like blaming him for everything? Or maybe the opposite stance, maybe you feel like you want to be with God, but you can't because the crimes and sins you have committed hold you back. Though with full knowledge that God loves you unconditionally, you just can't seem to accept it.

Well, I was like that too, and it started all of a sudden; just randomly out of the blue. No warning or explanation, I felt so angry, angry at God. But I knew that the only one at fault was me, knowing fully that God is perfect, I knew that all the blame was towards myself. But as I realized this I tried to reach out to God, but then the sins I have committed held me back with guilt, telling me that "you're just going to do it again anyway". It didn't help much and as what happens when you pull away from God, you tend to lose balance in many parts of your life.

School started and already I was beginning to feel extremely irritated. I felt alone now since even my own group of friends seemed different than from summer and I was acting in a way that wasn't me. I tried to reach out to God but I couldn't really do it. Eventually I just wanted to leave and change schools (all of this happening in the span of 2 hours, sad I know). But above all my biggest worry was how far I felt from God. When not with God, I couldn't be who I was, sin seemed like it wasn't so bad, it didn't look like it was going to be the death of me. And by death I meant the real death, not the physical one that everyone goes through, but death when you are no longer with God. I was really lost and wasn't looking forward to the rest of the school year. I was even contemplating to selfishly break away from the friends who reached out to me at school and just a be a loner, why? Because I was afraid of being influenced in the wrong ways, because I refused to look at the good in other people, because I refused to accept that God was my strength, because I refused to accept that He loves me, because I refused to love my brothers and sister that same way He loves me.

And through all this, God spoke to me. As always He arrived precisely when he meant to (LOTR :P if anyone caught that). And He did it through KnowGodKnowLove as I was browsing through Tumblr:

to you..from God

knowgodknowlove:

http://knowgodknowlove.com/

Dear [your name], I miss you. I think about you all the time. I just want you to know how much I love you, how much I want to be there for you every step of the way. I am so proud of you. If you need me, you know how to find me… Love, God

You know, I'm not too worried anymore about bad influences or stuff like that, I'll be who I am and enjoy the people God has blessed me with. True, things may not be the cleanest, but you know I have to remember one of God's most special commands: Love one another as I have loved you. And we'll have loads of fun, I'll make the best out of things, but you know, as God has always been there for me, these people are my brothers and sisters and as tough as they act, I'll always have their backs.

Maybe this time God wants me to be the one who influences.

-Gabriel